Jan 312012
 

Funny Life Quotes and Sayings From Celebrities

By Jenine Amanda Smith

Apparently, thousands of quotes are now available online that people can easily browse and read. People who read quotes and sayings want to be inspired and motivated. Moreover, since the message is sum up into a few words, the audience do not easily get tired from reading. Quotes and sayings bring light and understanding to readers. They can come from the simplest individuals to people from high rank, position and prominence. Below are some of the most famous life quotes from celebrities that you will find amusing.

“The road to success is always under construction”    By Lily Tomlin

Truly, success is not an overnight process. If you want to be successful, you need to start from the bottom. If you want to be a head teacher, you need to be a trainee first or take additional classes. Maybe, you want to be a head nurse, you might want to graduate first and take the examination for nurses. Along the road, there may be bumps and hardships. However, it should never stop you from reaching your goals and dreams.

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn’t have fallen for the second”.    By Johnny Depp

Surely, love can be complicated. There are instances when a person loves two people at the same time. Others have to commit affairs because they love another yet they cannot leave their marital partners because they still have feelings for them. The famous Pirates of the Caribbean actor must have been telling this quote with wisdom. If you still care for your first love, you would not find another person to love. If you have to choose, pick the second one. These are just Depp’s thoughts. If you are caught in such situation, the decision still lies with you.

“If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.”      By Katherine Hepburn

Certainly, for a maiden, it is flattering to hear admiration from men. It gives a girl a sense of confidence and pride. Many dictionaries describe criticism as a critical observation or remark. Criticism can be accepted as something positive or negative. In marriage, husband and wife are very open to one another. For many couples, giving criticism has been a regular routine. It boils down on the partner’s motive why the criticism is given. Then again, marriage couples should not only learn how to give criticism, they should also learn to give complements and flattery to their partners. That is called appreciation.

“You’ve got enemies? Good, that means you stood up for something in your life.”     By Eminem

It is a fact that people have different views and beliefs. Standing up for something you believe in can ruin relationships and can increase the number of your enemies. However, it will also give you peace of mind that you do not let others opinions tamper yours. Eminem or Marshall Bruce Mathers III is a popular American rapper, songwriter and producer. He wrote a number of controversial songs that made many people angry. It is not a new story that he had several feuds with other celebrities and family members because of the contentious lyrics that he wrote and sang. Perhaps, he is just being true to himself.

Celebrities are opinionated like any of us. They have minds to speak too. The quotes above all came from celebrities. They are not just comical, people of different walks of life can greatly relate to them as well.

People love to be inspired. Go to the web and find inspiring and funny life quotes written by famous writers, celebrities, and newsmakers.

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Dec 102011
 

Humor Quotations – Top 35 Funny Quotations by Famous Comedians

By Danielle Hollister

Top-35-Funny-Quotations-by-Famous-Comedians

Top 35 Funny Quotations by Famous Comedians

  1. “Education is worth a whole lot. Just think – with enough education and brains the average man would make a good lawyer – and so would the average lawyer.”
       — Grace Allen (Gracie)
  2. “It’s foolish to bet on a horse without talking to him first. I know it seems silly to ask a horse who’s going to win a race – but it’s no sillier than asking anyone else.”
     — Grace Allen (Gracie)
  3. “Build a better mousetrap than your neighbour and Kraft Cheese will beat a path to your door.”
     — Grace Allen (Gracie)
  4. “First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.”
    — George Burns
  5. “Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth.”
    — George Burns
  6. “For forty years my act consisted of one joke. And then she died.”
    — George Burns
  7. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring close-knit family in another city.”
    — George Burns
  8. “Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.”
    — George Burns
  9. “Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.”
    — Johnny Carson
  10. “Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.”
    — Johnny Carson
  11. “Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.”
    — Johnny Carson
  12. “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food.”
    — Johnny Carson
  13. “The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.”
    — Johnny Carson
  14. “Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
    Bill Cosby
  15. “”Don’t worry about senility,” my grandfather used to say. “When it hits you, you won’t know it.””
    Bill Cosby
  16. “Fatherhood is telling your daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but has special feelings for the ones who eat broccoli.”
    Bill Cosby
  17. “Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.”
    Bill Cosby
  18. “I wasn’t always black… There was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.”
    Bill Cosby
  19. “Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.”
    Bill Cosby
  20. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
    — Rita Rudner
  21. “I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.”
    — Rita Rudner
  22. “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
    — Rita Rudner
  23. “I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.”
    — Rita Rudner
  24. “I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.”
    — Rita Rudner
  25. “Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, “Are we going to have sex again?” He said, “Yes, but not with each other.””
    — Rita Rudner
  26. “I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.”
    — Jerry Seinfeld
  27. “No face, mouth open … that is how the drug companies see the public.”
    — Jerry Seinfeld
  28. “On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said – ‘Do not attempt to fly!'”
    — Jerry Seinfeld
  29. “People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.”
    — Jerry Seinfeld
  30. “The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.”
    — Jerry Seinfeld
  31. “Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.”
    — Steven Wright
  32. “I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. So I had to buy them again.”
    — Steven Wright
  33. “I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”
    — Steven Wright
  34. “If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?”
    — Steven Wright
  35. “Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, “Wish you were here.””
    — Steven Wright

Resource Box – © Danielle Hollister (2005) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine – A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like – love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more; plus freebies and links to related resources. All new subscribers get one free ad. Read it – http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8364.asp

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